Showing posts with label History. Show all posts
Showing posts with label History. Show all posts

Sunday, October 23, 2016

The Story That Will Not Go Away



This is the story that will not go away.

Now that I’m living in Philadelphia, now that I’ve made myself a fixture of my community, people still are curious about the odyssey that took me to Florida for eight years. Specifically, I get asked time and again about the infamous 2000 presidential election and the part I played in it. I suppose it’s one thing to have read the news and quite another to have lived through the news—to have made the news.

Well, all right then. For everybody who’s wanted to know my version for whatever reason, here it goes. If you don't particularly care for my politics, you might at least appreciate the importance of your vote--and that transcends parties and philosophies.

In 2000 I was living in Saint Cloud, Florida—a little place I affectionately called Cowgirl Helltown (no joke—my neighbors were cows). Saint Cloud is in Osceola County, just south of Orlando, and wasn’t one of the counties of contention in the election. Heck, I think Al Gore swept the county by more than 75%, I’m not sure.

Also at the time I was married to someone about as politically passionate as I was. We’d done a great deal of research on the Green Party, and when we moved from Orlando to Saint Cloud we’d also changed our voter registration from Independent to Green. Now I should point out that we did not own a television. We were hooked up to the Internet to our eyeballs, but otherwise we got our news from the radio and from print media. I should also point out that the Clinton years had been very kind to us.

Now somewhere in the summer of 2000 the idea of “Greens for Gore” took shape and started to gain momentum, especially in the greater Orlando area. Unfortunately the idea was not so much support for Al Gore as it was a desperate attempt to keep #43 out of the White House—he who talked about these great 52 United States and the use of subliminable messages. I mean it was unrestrained panic that the Fortunate Son might carry the election.

Let me mention that I have met Al Gore. It was in June of 1993, when he was Vice President, and I was working at Independence National Historical Park. He did a photo op with the park rangers, and since we all were working for Club Fed, we were presumed safe. I remember two things. He was nowhere nearly as wooden as one might think. I also actually got him to laugh at some joke I don’t remember.

Fast forward to Election Day 2000. We were nervous wrecks. We knew damn well what was on the line. We also knew that Gore wasn’t going into the election with an overwhelming majority. A second Bush presidency was a very real threat, no matter how many months we’d spent trying to wake people up. My husband and I got to our polling place early, gritting our teeth as we stood in line under a cloud of doom. Most of Osceola County had the same idea and the place was packed.

This is where the great joke that was the Florida election system comes into play.

When we’d lived in Tallahassee, the voting booth was automated. Winter Park had actually used computers. Not so Osceola. We were handed actual paper ballots along with a push pin, of all things. All we had to do is make a hole next to the name of the candidate we were selecting. This was my first fit of the day, but this slipshod method wasn’t the fault of the people working the polls, so I tried to let it slide.

Traditionally in an election with write-in spaces, the election committee provides some kind of writing implement (in this case the voting booth was very much like an elementary school desk with afterthought blinders to protect our privacy). I had been planning on quite a few write-ins, so you can imagine how livid I was that nothing had been provided. All right, now I made a big fuss, not just for me but for everybody else. Were we having our freedom to write in candidates taken from us?

The so-called election officials—cronies of somebody or other—didn’t give a damn, but the body of voters in the room and outside heard me and applauded my outburst. Well, applause is nice, but all I really wanted was a damn pencil!

Much later on, after a nerve-wracking day, we heard that #43 was the projected winner. We headed out to hang with the cows and try to come to grips with this disaster in our minds. But when we got home, suddenly the election was in contention, and it was our state that had done it. Having lived through the half-assed attempt at polling that we had that morning, it was no surprise.

We all know what happened then, so I won’t belabor the painful. But here are some quips from the time I found both amusing and disturbing.

"THOSE WHO CAST THE VOTES DECIDE NOTHING. THOSE WHO COUNT
THE VOTES DECIDE EVERYTHING." -- JOSEPH STALIN

DON'T BLAME ME - I VOTED FOR GORE... I THINK

MY PARENTS RETIRED TO FLORIDA AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PRESIDENT

DISNEY GAVE US MICKEY, FLORIDA GAVE US DUMBO

DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR VOTE... LET KATHERINE HARRIS DO IT FOR YOU

BUSH TRUSTS THE PEOPLE, BUT NOT IF IT INVOLVES COUNTING

TO YOU I'M A DRUNK DRIVER; TO MY FRIENDS, I'M PRESIDENTIAL MATERIAL!

ONE PERSON, ONE VOTE (MAY NOT APPLY IN CERTAIN STATES)

I DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIS DADDY EITHER

IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL YOUR BROTHER COUNTS THE VOTES

BANANA REPUBLICANS

GEORGE W. BUSH: THE PRESIDENT QUAYLE WE NEVER HAD

THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY LISTENED TO A BUSH, FOLKS WANDERED IN THE DESERT FOR 40 YEARS

CAMPAIGN SPENDING: $184,000,000. HAVING YOUR LITTLE BROTHER RIG THE ELECTION FOR YOU: PRICELESS

I ask you...this year, for this election, please take your civic duty seriously. Read up on the candidates and get your questions answered to your satisfaction. Don't leave your voice be unheard and your vote left in the hands of others.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Feasting Medieval Style

To recreate an entire Medieval feast would probably require more room, time, and patience than you have. However, it is simple enough to get a taste of the Middle Ages at your own dining table. The following recipes are straightforward, and only barely adapted for the modern kitchen.

You will be making pork pea soup and honey mead. At an actual Medieval feast, you would serve the soup in a trencher, a bowl made of carved-out bread. You would be given a spoon, but you would need to bring your own knife to the table. Forks were still science fiction.

Amounts are given Medieval-style--that is, spice and add to taste. For the soup, you will want to make certain you add three cups of liquid (chicken broth) for every one cup of split peas you use.

PORK PEA SOUP

Ingredients:

A generous portion of Canadian bacon (the closest thing we have to what a Medieval chef would have used), sliced
Dried, split green peas
Chicken broth (see above note)
One head of garlic, cloved and chopped (yes, use the WHOLE head)
Sliced carrots
One onion, diced
Bay leaves
Honey to taste


PREPARATION:
Begin with the chicken broth. Bring it to a slow boil in a large pot. Gradually add the bacon, garlic, bay leaves, onions, and carrots to flavor the broth. When this has come to a boil, stir in the peas. Leave this all to simmer for 2-3 hours, or until the peas have broken down into a paste. Add honey and serve hot.

HONEY MEAD

Ingredients:
1 quart of spring water
1 cup honey
1 sliced lemon
Nutmeg
Pinch of salt
Juice of 1/2 lemon


PREPARATION:
Boil the first four ingredients together, preferably in a non-metallic pot. Scrape off the scum which rises to the top with a wooden spoon. When there is no more scum rising, add the salt and the lemon juice. Strain the mead, and let it cool before serving.

NOTE: This is non-alcoholic mead.

What Is Romance?

If humanity has had a story to tell, it has been about this peculiar entity called love. From the earliest writings of Sumerian love poems and the Song of Solomon to the latest best sellers, we have been captivated and stimulated by tales of love and passion.

Well...maybe not all of us.

Let's consider the lords of the early Middle Ages. These were burly men of battle. When not actually fighting, they wanted to hear tales of battle, they wanted to enjoy the laudations of brute force. The famous Chanson de Roland has its origins in such settings. A wandering poet needs shelter for the night, and to gain shelter, he must please the lord with a tale. The poet then spins a tale of warriors.

This was great...if you were into that sort of thing. But what of those individuals who preferred something softer?

Enter the troubadours and trouveres of the 11th-13th centuries, and the birth of courtly love. Now the lords were away on the Crusades and other wars. Their wives and ladies were left behind to tend the castle and lay the foundations of Western literature. After enduring countless tales of blood and gore, the women welcomed stories which were a bit more evocative, a bit more imaginative, a bit more...romantic.

Since the poets now had to please a new audience, they changed the nature of their tales. Yes, there were love tales, but these tales included much more than a simply love story. There were supernatural elements, magic rings and cloaks to render the wearer invisible. There were love potions and guises and mistaken identities. Through it all, the listener was asked to feel, to emote. These were not one-dimensional characters anymore, but characters into whom life had been breathed.

And so was Western romance born.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Searching for a Cathar Feminism 1100-1300

NOTE: This was one of several semester project papers I wrote in the Spring Semester of 1994 as a graduate student at Florida State University. Unfortunately, the original citations are long gone.

Medieval Europe was not ruled by political power. Political states did not yet exist, and power was spread thinly among many nobles all over Europe. The only absolute authority to endure throughout the Medieval period was the universal, or Catholic, Christian doctrine. The Catholic church filled the vacuum left by the collapsed Roman Empire. Though church authority remained decentralized until the eleventh century, it remained highly effective in bishoprics at the local level. Consequently, Medieval life and religion were inextricably connected, as the only authority for the society was the church. God and demons, saints and miracles were not simply something to be believed in; to the Medieval people, they were an integral part of reality.

It follows then that heresy, or a deviation from the prescribed doctrine of the Catholic church, was indeed perceived as the greatest of threats to humanity. That a great divinity had invested its power in the Catholic church on earth was not questioned; for a sect to reject that god- sent doctrine was the greatest of catastrophes. Though the doctrine of the Cathars does not appear remarkably different on the surface from the Catholic model, it was nonetheless condemned as a heresy.

The Cathars were often called Albigensians in the thirteenth century, being especially numerous in the region of the French town of Albi. Yet they were an old and well- established group long before coming to Albi. The name Cathar expresses their most basic and enduring of beliefs. The Cathari were the "pure ones", those who had broken their ties to evil, material things as much as possible. It is best to describe them by the name which symbolizes their rejection of the material world and its hierarchy.

This inquiry is primarily concerned with those aspects of Cathar doctrine which conflicted with orthodox Christianity. The relative positions of women living under both systems in the area of southwestern France, called Occitania1 from the twelfth to the fourteenth centuries will be examined. The issue to be resolved is whether there existed a marked difference in the status of Cathar women. Was there a kind of "Cathar feminism"? If so, to what extent did it exist in theory or practice?

A specific, working definition of feminism is necessary for this evaluation. "Feminism" here is meant primarily to denote a certain level of empowerment and/or respect for women above and beyond the social norm. This includes decision making on a woman's behalf for herself, freedom in lifestyle choices, and a situation approaching equality between the sexes. Instances where any of these conditions have been met help to substantiate the existence of an Cathar feminism, if not by modern standards of equal rights and liberation, in comparison with orthodox Christian society. This study is a search for such instances.

It should be mentioned that most sources available on this period, and on the Middle Ages in general, deal exclusively with the upper classes and the clerics. A simple explanation; these were the people with the power, influence, and, most significantly, the literacy. Peasants neither had the leisure time to learn to read and write, nor could they afford to pay a scribe to write for them. The best and most extensive records come from and document minority of the population. Consequently, this silent common population will not be included in this study. This affects the presentation of orthodox feudal society much more than the Cathar, for the great majority of Cathars were nobles themselves. However, there is a limited scope in feudal Catholicism to be used to adequately represent the feudal society as a whole.

The Catholic philosophy concerning women in the Middle Ages was at best unfavorable, and almost entirely the product of the early church fathers. Such a bias doomed Medieval woman to be relegated to the lower ranks of humanity, as "the Christian writings were the ones that continued to exert the most direct and vital influence on the atmosphere in which Europeans lived and worked throughout the Middle Ages, for the Bible and the Church Fathers were still regarded as having spiritual and practical authority in the fifteenth century and beyond." Selected teachings of Saint Paul on the subject of women became important Christian doctrines. Paul wrote that women must me subordinated in the home and mute in the churches. He permitted no woman to teach, or have authority over men, "For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was the transgressor". According to Saint Augustine, woman was the root of all evil, and as such must be necessarily suppressed.

Many later theologians and preachers maintained that the fact that God had created woman from man's rib rather than from some lower member, like a foot, proved that God intended her to be man's equal. But the ascetic tendencies of Christianity impelled the church to consider woman the original source of sin and a weak vessel peculiarly liable to vice. Her mere existence tempted good men to sins of the flesh, and her inclinations to provocative behavior increased the menace. Moreover, the actual position of woman in contemporary society was bound to influence the ideas of ecclesiastical writers. Thomas Aquinas held that she was ordained to be completely subject to man. "As man stands to God, so stands woman to man".

Men of the Middle Ages had no doubt that all traits were inherited, and that "a good soldier must come from the blood of good soldiers". From the time of the early Germanic codes down through the entire Medieval period, the adultery committed by a wife with a social inferior was a particularly heinous offense. Yet even when the offense was committed with a nobleman of like class, the biological theories of the day held small hope for the offspring of adulterous unions. A child was produced from the merging blood of father and mother; a child of adultery would come from mixed and confused blood and become a man unfit to inherit. This strengthened the inclination on the part of nobles to demand virgin brides, and feudal law insisted on the chastity of wives and young girls.

The social order followed the example of the church in placing restrictions on women's sexuality. If a husband suspected his wife of infidelity, he could kill both her and her lover after issuing a warning. If a father considered anyone to be a menace to the chastity of his daughter, the father could forbid him to approach her, and slay the offender if he violated the prohibition.

It could be surmised that the conditions which governed the lives of the orthodox feudal class forced women to occupy a low place in society. The supreme function of a man was war, and women could not fight. Although the attitude of feudal law towards women had improved considerably by the twelfth century, they were never accorded many rights. Daughters could inherit a fief when there were no sons, but their control of the fief was greatly restricted by male relatives. A woman was never her own mistress, and could exercise her inherited privileges only through her husband or guardian. Before marriage, she existed as the property of her father, to later be turned over to her husband. A woman could not sue in court except through the male in whose charge she was at the time. In short, a woman was always a minor in the tutelage of some male.

A wife bore sons while a mistress satisfied momentary lusts. Concubinage was by no means condoned by the church; however, the church lacked the power to enforce its doctrine. This is one example of the great double standard that existed between men and women. While the woman was expected to be chaste and faithful, her husband had no such obligations. This is made clear by the tremendous numbers of illegitimate births each year. The imposing number of bastards mentioned in the documents of the period shows how thoroughly the nobles appreciated their mistresses. "The noble chose his wife because of her family connections, her dowry, and her ability to bear sons. Beauty, charm and compatibility rarely entered into the matter". As a result, the nobleman was inclined to satisfy his lust where he found the process most pleasant.

Such conditions, of course, varied from region to region. In Occitania, no feudal lord had overriding influence in ecclesiastical appointments, nor was any court active enough to serve as a training ground for bishops. The bishops therefore represented either the interests of a small region or the triumph of one local faction over another. Unable to cooperate effectively, the bishops did not consider the common welfare of Occitania or of Christendom. The papacy, aware of this weakness in the hierarchy of the universal church, had much bigger problems to contend with in the twelfth century.

The lack of ecclesiastical organization in Occitania fostered a slightly deviant society, which in turn contributed greatly to the evolution of the Cathar heresy. But what made the movement so successful was the willingness of the local people to accept Catharism. "The people of Occitania had lost much of their zeal, much of their devotion to the faith". Only a minority ever became Cathars, yet the Catholic majority seemed unconcerned about the heretical threat. The majority never expressed an aversion to the Cathars who were trying to subvert the fundamental institution of the society.

General concepts of Catharism originated in the dualist philosophies of pre-Christian Zoroastrianism and third- century Common Era Manicheanism. Essentially, dualist doctrine advocates the existence of two divine figures. One divinity is good, the god of light and the spiritual world, while the other indulges in evil, the god of darkness and the material world. These two bipolar powers were in constant conflict, which would eventually be resolved in favor of the god of light.

While Catharism was similar to the older dualist traditions, it developed independently, and was in no way a continuation. It was, by all standards, overwhelmingly more Catholic that Manichean or Zoroastrian. In Catharism, the gods of light and dark became the Christian God and Satan. The good God, the God of light, created only the spiritual world while Satan, the god of darkness, was responsible for the creation of the material world. Spirit was intrinsically good; matter was intrinsically evil. Similarly, the soul was good while the body remained evil. The human world served as a battleground between the forces of light and darkness, spirit and matter. Human life, then, freed the soul from the entanglement of the body so that it could enter the spiritual world of light after death.

As all material things had been created by Satan, the Cathar teaching claimed the perfect life was asceticism. Ideally, the Cathars needed to be absolutely celibate, to deny themselves all earthly things, and consume barely enough food and drink to sustain life. The problem of how this sect aspiring to such inhuman principles could survive was solved with the evolution of two classes of Cathars. The perfecti were bound to lead this ideal life of rigid asceticism, and constituted the priestly class. Through a ceremony called the consolamentum, the laying on of hands, a Cathar was inducted into the perfectus class. The ceremony not only eradicated any previous sins, but swore the Cathar to commit no more for the duration of their lives.

However, Catharism took human nature into consideration. It was recognized that a very few could ever become perfecti before their demise became imminent; simple Cathars were not made to feel guilty for their shortcoming. It is important to note that the high standards set for the perfecti were in no way intended to be met by average believers. This much larger group, the credentes or the true believers, were subjected to no restrictions of their lifestyle. Any vocation could be followed. Unlike orthodox Christianity, Catharism imposed no restrictions on eating or drinking. Most significantly, the codes of sexual morality were lax. The only crucial obligations for a Cathar were to renounce all allegiance to the orthodox church, and to undergo the consolamentum before death.

A Medieval Catholic would find surprisingly little in Cathar practice strange or offensive. He would hear verse after verse of familiar passages from the New Testament, repeat the Lord's Prayer, and ask for his sins to be forgiven. Much of what would be found in the Catholic Mass had been omitted, but very little contradiction was added. However, Catharism contradicted Catholicism on the most fundamental of tenets. Most sources on the Cathar beliefs come from the writings of their orthodox Christian enemies. Accordingly, the best-known features of the doctrine are those that directly opposed the teachings of the church. The one real hope of the Medieval people was the blessed life of those who would be called to salvation. Only the church could put men on the path to salvation. Only by believing those eternal "truths" taught in the church, only by receiving grace through the sacraments, could salvation be possible. Anyone who denied these "truths" and the church was therefore the greatest enemy of mankind, "a murderer who sought to kill the immortal soul rather than the earthly body".

The Cathars believed in reincarnation and repudiated the tenet of eternal damnation for sinners. A soul was obliged to live many lifetimes in a human body until it achieved salvation. If earthly bodies were evil, as the Cathars taught, then God could not become incarnate in a man. Therefore, according to the Cathars, the Christian Christ was not God, only an emissary of God; he became a man in appearance only. To the Cathars, the sacraments that the Catholic church claimed to confer divine grace through material elements such as water, bread and wine were inherently blasphemous. Marriage was also condemned, as it led to the production of children and so entrapped more spiritual souls in evil, material bodies.

This last item provides a good starting point for the exploration of a Cathar feminism. The condemnation of marriage was particularly obnoxious in the eyes of their orthodox opponents. Instead, the Cathars advocated a complete reversal of orthodox teaching. Catholicism championed that sex belonged only in marriage, and that sex in marriage must be for reproduction and without pleasure. While the Cathars thought childbearing a great sin, they did not object to sexual motivations other than reproduction. Coupling the indifference placed on performance in the material world with the belief that all bodily sins would be erased by the consolamentum before death, Cathar society virtually destroyed any orthodox restrictions on sexual conduct. It is interesting to note that the population of Occitania grew rapidly during the years of the Cathar expansion.

How this relative sexual liberation affected Cathar women varied from area to area. In the village of Montaillou, the philosophy of sex and marriage was summarized by Guillaume Belibaste, a Cathar holy man. He saw no purpose in adopting the Catholic theology which had governed sternly the institution of marriage. However, he realized that simple Cathar believers would never adopt the perfectus ideal of absolute chastity. "It amounts to the same, and the sin is the same, to know one's wife carnally or to do the same with a concubine. This being so, it is better for a man to attach himself to a definite woman".

Whether Cathar or Catholic, every married woman could expect a fair amount of beating. As the man possessed the initiative in the courtship, he later on claimed the right to violence. The reaction to Guillemette Clergue's black eye is indicative of the sort of behavior expected from husbands. Through some accident or infection, Guillemette had a bad eye, and was travelling to find a cure. On the way, she encountered the perfectus Prades Tavernier, who assumed she had been beaten. Later, in her testimony to Jacques Fournier, Guillemette admitted to keeping her rapport with Tavernier a secret from her husband for fear of abuse, perhaps even death.

Certain enlightened Cathars who had carefully studied the Bible advocated more humane treatment of women. But as far as the institution of marriage was concerned, civilization was misogynous. Pierre Authoe himself, despite his affection for his daughter, generally considered women as something base. Belibaste, who married and unmarried his mistress to Pierre Maury within a few days, never made a mystery of his male chauvinism and masculine imperialism. According to Belibaste, a woman's soul could not be allowed into paradise after her death, and would only achieve that glorious end after being reincarnated as a man.
One area in which Catharism differentiated sharply from orthodox Christianity was the opportunity offered to women in the hierarchy of the religion itself. An imperfect parallel can be drawn between orthodox monasticism and the perfecti. Both were committed to lives of celibacy and self-denial. Although certain monasteries allowed women to participate, and a few convents existed, women were generally relegated to lower, insignificant positions.

Women could, however, be accepted among the perfecti; it is widely speculated that this was the main appeal of Catharism for women. The perfecti were the ministers of the Cathar faith, wandering in pairs through the countryside to be with the credentes. Women and men worked together to gain converts to the faith and maintaining devotion. To be a perfecta gave a woman a higher status than she could ever attain in the Catholic church.

A connection that cannot be overlooked is the development of courtly love ideals in the area most permeated by Catharism. Some explanation of courtly love and its origins is a necessary contribution to this overall investigation. In Occitania, the noblewoman was subject to her husband, but was also mistress of her household. Servants performed their tasks and children received their training under her supervision. In the absence of the lord, the woman took control of both household and fief.

The ideas of courtly love first appeared in the lyric poetry composed by the troubadours of Southern France. In Occitania, many of these wandering minstrels were also Cathar. Speculatively, the Occitanian troubadour ideas of love and relations with women grew spontaneously out of the environment supplied by the region in the eleventh and twelfth centuries. A popular anecdote of the first troubadour poetry begins around 1150. A hungry minstrel, wandering around the duchy of Aquitaine, came to a castle where he hoped his tales of battles, broad stories and tumbling tricks would earn him a good dinner. Unfortunately, the lord was absent; the lady of the castle had become weary long before of boring tales of endless battles and masculine aggression. It occurred to the minstrel that if he composed a song in praise of the lady's beauty and virtue, whether or not she had either of these, and described the effect they had on him in glowing terms, he may be fed after all. The experiment must have been successful. Soon, the halls of Occitania were ringing with songs in praise of ladies who were able to dispense lavish hospitality. While the minstrels sang for a living, barons and knights indulged in the musical fad because it was pleasant and fashionable.

Courtly songs were inspired by a new conception of love. Love was the emotion produced by the unrestrained adoration of a lady. Love might be rewarded by smiles, kisses, or higher favors, but their presence or absence had no essential effect on love itself. All the benefits and torments which came to the lover grew out of simple worship of a worthy woman. This love would be inspired by the lady's good qualities, such as her beauty, wit, charm and character.

The effects of this love were not purely emotional and physical; it improved a man in every way. By developing the idea that a noble could not be a perfect knight unless he loved a woman the Cathar troubadours laid the foundation of courtly chivalry. Women were bound to enjoy a more elevated position in society, Although she could not fight herself, she could make a man a better warrior. The women of Occitania were accorded a great deal more respect than was common, and in this way did there exist an ideological, courtly, and chivalric kind of feminism.

That courtly love did at least improve women's collective egos in this period is probable. However, ladies were revered as passive goddesses, who were adored whether they wished to be or not. Women played no active role in the poetic courtship. Additionally, the ideas of courtly love had little effect on the lives of wives and maidens.

The essentially innocent practice of courtly love might furnish temptation. An orthodox rebuttal to the Occitanian troubadours can be found in Andrew the Chaplain's De Amore. The attitude of the church was fully explained and supported with solid arguments; in arguing for the traditional customs of the feudal world and Catholic church, Andrew's heart was fully in his work. The section entitled De reprobation amoris consists largely of a furious diatribe against women. "Love for a woman is a passion which comes from looking at and thinking too much about the body of the other sex". Geoffrey de la Tour Landry composed a book of advice for the instruction of his young daughters. He rejected without hesitation the precepts of courtly love. Accepting fully the feudal and ecclesiastical attitude toward adultery, he had nothing but condemnation for any woman who slipped from the path of strict virtue. He was careful to point out that a woman who lost her reputation for chastity would be scorned by all worthy people; however, a promiscuous male would be lauded. La Tour Landry bemoaned the fact that such excellent ancient customs as burying illicit lovers alive had fallen into disuse.

How fully the courtly love philosophy was developed in practice among the Cathars is virtually undocumented. "Though it is certain that the joyous love songs of the troubadours and the worship of the pure ones were often heard together, that one influenced the other to any degree can only be speculated". Only an educated guess can be made as to how much courtly love affected the life of the average Cathar woman.

Although it appears that feminism would be an exaggeration in describing the status that Cathar women enjoyed, the difference between their lives and the lives of their orthodox sisters is still significant. That Cathar women had the chance to become perfectae is difficult to credit fully from the modern viewpoint. In allowing women to join its most holy ranks, the Cathar church deviated wildly from orthodox Christianity; in attaining this status, the Cathar women discovered a success in their lives that has no modern parallel.

The body was by definition evil, woman's body was no more so. Yet only in rare cases was this theoretical equality actualized, the general Cathar acceptance of sexuality being such a case. Holy or courtly pleas to respect one's spouse or daughter were nodded at politely in public, but ignored in the home. The gentility of the Cathar faith could not overcome the ruthless patriarchal domination of the feudal system.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Late Night With Henry Tudor

A little background...I submitted the following to a Tudor parody contest in 2012.  Hence, it's a parody of Tudor England.  If that doesn't really explain anything just do a quick search.


The following is the transcript of a broadcast from March, 1539.

Accompanied by raucous applause, the lute and tambour band break into “I’m Henry the Eighth, I Am” while the camera pans out over a live audience of peasants, cattle, ducks, and armed soldiers.

WILL SOMERS: Live from the Adulation Hall at Greenwich, it’s Late Night With Henry Tudor!  We’re featuring the music of Ned Sackbutt and the Poxy Seven.  Everybody in the crowd!  Get to your feet and sing for your king!

The crowd, both two-footed and four-footed, jump up and sing along with Sackbutt:

I'm Henry the Eighth, I am,
Henry the Eighth I am, I am!
I got married to the widow next door,
She'd been married seven times before.
And every one was an Henry
It wouldn't be a Willie or a Sam
I'm her eighth old man named Henry
Henery the Eighth, I am!

WILL SOMERS: And now…the star of our show!  The guy on the coins…the man God calls for help and advice… that jolly fellow who can feast you today and eviscerate you tomorrow…give it up for your sovereign lord, Henry the Eighth!


Wearing a bold red tunic encrusted with gold and jewels and white hose that would have looked much better on younger legs, Henry sprints onto center stage, the cries and applause of the crowd carrying him to the bonfire-powered spotlight.  Inspired by the soldiers bearing pikes who stand at each end of every row, the crowd continues to cheer for the king.  Henry blows kisses, randomly points at people in the audience, and wallows in the orchestrated merriment.  This goes on for a full ten minutes before Henry decides he is bored.  

A curt wave of the arm advises the crowd to settle down and the band to stop playing.

HENRY: Let’s hear it for Ned and his boys!


The crowd applauds once more.  Ned Sackbutt turns around and waves his lute in the air.

HENRY:  I’m God’s anointed representative on earth, and this is my show.  Welcome!


Applause.

HENRY: Well folks, I’m afraid it’s finally happened. (pause) I have been importuned to marry for a fourth time.  Again.  Yeah, I’m not so wild about it myself, which normally would mean a few executions.


The audience laughs.

HENRY: Apparently my counselors don’t have the same degree of faith in me that I have.  One son just isn’t enough.  I need at least one more son, which means taking one more wife.
God’s troth, I will admit it.  My track record and my Parliament have two things in common.  They both stink and neither is my fault.  Look at my situation here.  I have three kids.  One kid hates me, one kid will hate me when she’s old enough to understand, and the third kid is more like a fat dressed capon in royal swaddling.  So all right, I need another son.  But clearly I’m more likely to become a hermit with Francois of France!


Yet again, the audience laughs.  Everyone knows Henry would tap dance in hell before going anywhere with Francois.

HENRY: The bad thing is that getting another legitimate child means surrendering myself to the bonds of marriage, and I don’t mean the fun kind.  Marriage has swived me like a poxy Scot too.  My first wife slept with my late but lamentable older brother, and by that she was never really my wife at all.  My second wife, well, you heard the tabloids.  She was a succubus, an incestuous witch woman who was no less a threat to my kingdom than a united Holy Roman Empire.  Hey, I’ve always been the premier knight in all of England, and so I slew that dragon.  My third wife, God assoil her, was an amenable and pleasant lump of suet pudding, which was exactly the diet I needed.  I lost her, but I did gain a son.
So here I am, going bride shopping.


Henry turns towards Will Somers.

HENRY: What think you of the matter, Will?  You always have a clever riposte.

WILL: Sire, it seems to me a better thing to burn rather than marry!


All action pauses as the audience laughs, driving home that the remark is witty.

HENRY: All hellish matrimony aside, I have a great show for you tonight.  We’re going to be playing everyone’s favorite game, Treason or Not Treason.


More cheers from the audience

HENRY: After all, folks, what is treason?

AUDIENCE: Whatever you say it is, Henry!

HENRY: Damn straight.  We’ll get into the game in a few moments.  First we’ll have some messages from Tudor-certified businesses that have paid an obscene amount into the royal coffers.  And I just can never say no to money.  Here’s Ned Sackbutt to take us to our first break.  Hit it, guys!


Henry the Eighth I Am, Reprise

ANNOUNCER 1: Enjoy all the eel you can eat for a steal of a deal!  Bring the whole family on down to Pieworthy’s, which has been serving up the best eel in the London area for three centuries.  And now we’re outdoing ourselves with our all you can eat eel buffet during Eel Fest.  Smoked eel, fresh eel, eel and chips, eel in cream sauce, broiled eel, eel pie, eel nuggets, eel pudding, eel stuffed eel, dried eel, and many other eel dishes are available on the buffet.  Remember that it’s nothing but eel for a steal at Pieworthy’s!

ANNOUNCER 2: Like dresses?  Like meat?  Come to the shop that brings both together—Sally’s Sleeves and Beeves!  Give any garment a fashionable overhaul while munching on a fine boiled beef.  Not hungry?  All of Sally’s meats are available in convenient take-out packages—your family will adore you for it.  At Sally’s Sleeves and Beeves, we know what really matters!

ANNOUNCER 1: You stink!  You know it.  Maybe you can’t tell your own stench from the smells of the people around you, but it’s there.  Stop smelling like an aging corpse and get on over to It Makes Scents, London’s own heaven for the nostrils.  Smell great!  We offer pomanders for people from every walk of life, from a studded orange to a gold sphere holding special oils.  We also distill essential oils from fresh herbs and flowers.  Visit It Makes Scents today for a better smelling future!

As the band continues to play, we see King Henry sitting behind a desk and holding a turkey leg.  He looks up and smiles.

HENRY: So Will…

WILL: So Your Majesty…

HENRY: Methinks it would be meet to go right to tonight’s main entertainment.  It’s time for—

AUDIENCE: Treason or Not Treason!

HENRY: Ah, Treason or not Treason. (pauses to take a hefty bite out of the turkey leg) And once again, good folks of my audience, what is treason?

AUDIENCE: Whatever you say it is, Harry!

HENRY: Indeed. (drops the turkey leg on the floor) Ho, Will!  Have we got a villainous trio of potential traitors tonight?

WILL: They look like real scum, Your Majesty—the wasted tears of cursed mothers!

HENRY: Some business before we begin. (Henry leans over to pick up a trencher bowl and starts to chew on one of a number of small birds in the trencher.  He eats for a while and then, remembering the audience, he puts the trencher down in front of him.)  Your sovereign lord is being fed tonight by Kensington Fried Quail.  A secret blend of three herbs and spices!  Freshly-killed quail!  These are some damn good birds, ladies and gentlemen.  Run out after the show and pick up a trencher of Kentucky Fried Quail!  That’s law!

Thomas Timely and the Tower Torturers wheel out three battered and filthy prisoners.  Each prisoner is chained to his own wooden backboard which is styled to resemble the rack.  All three squint in the candlelight of the stage.  The man on the far right manages to mouth “Hi mom!”

HENRY: Thomas Timely, how are you sir?

THOMAS: I’m well, Your Majesty.  But as you know, what happens in the Tower stays in the Tower!

Everyone bursts into patronizing laughter.

HENRY: I like that.  I may take it as my new motto.  But let’s start with Wretch #1.  Thomas, please tell us the charge leveled at our fettered fiend here.

THOMAS: Your Majesty, this is Arkel Slopsmith.  He is accused of saying, and I quote, “I like sheep.”
A unified gasp issues from the audience.  Henry turns to the shocked audience. 

HENRY:  Ladies and gentlemen, what is treason?

AUDIENCE: Whatever you say it is, Harry!

HENRY: Darn tootin’.  So let’s think on this cryptic utterance.  “I like sheep.”  Sheep are fundamentally opposed to everything royal, which makes sheep my own enemy.  Sheep are weak.  Sheep only follow.  Sheep give us wool, but I’d gladly trade my wool codpiece for a good slab of mutton.  I find that sheep are shifty, dishonest, deceptive, manipulative, and untrustworthy.  Therefore, when Arkel Slopsmith declared his admiration for sheep, he was also indicating his approval of these traits while implying his disapproval of me.  Treason or not treason?  I declare this to be treason!

A roar of applause rises from the audience.  Ned Sackbutt leads his band into the Late Night standard “Condemned for Treason.”

WILL: Arkle Slopsmith, thank you for playing Treason or Not Treason!  You’ve won a one-way trip to exciting Tyburn and an appearance in the mass executions of Tyburn Tuesdays!

Slopsmith is left to his sorrows while the onstage focus shifts.

THOMAS: Your Majesty, have a look at Wretch #2.  Grover Stinkinbishop is an apprentice in a Thames barge transportation company.  He is said to have stated, and I quote, “The Thames used to be cleaner.”

Henry shakes his head, clucking in distaste.

HENRY: You foul knave, you did not even bother to conceal your contempt for your sovereign.  You have dared to suggest that what has come before me was somehow better than the conditions of my England.  I have dirtied God’s own water of the Thames as surely as I have polluted the spiritual streams of my beloved England.  We’ll continue after these messages.  Watch them.

ANNOUNCER 1:  Have you paid good coin to be bled or leeched?  Was the treatment worse than the ailment?  Did the treatment cause pain, blood loss, demonic possession, allergic reactions, or loss of limbs?  Are you buried in debt and looking at a long stint in debtor’s prison?  Stop wasting your time and hire me!  I’m Will Bill, master of law, and I’ve been fighting for people like you for almost a full year.  Together we can bring quack physics and soiled surgeons to their knees.  Don’t delay!  Send a messenger today!  And remember I get paid whether we win or not.

ANNOUNCER 2: Now let’s hear about a tasty new snack!

It’s a banquet!  It’s a munch it!
Try Blackmanger in a Biscuit!
You can pop it!  You can chew it!
It’s Blackmanger in a Biscuit!
Get the taste of that special treat
Why steal bread when you could eat
Blackmanger in a Biscuit?

New Blackmanger in a biscuit is available at your nearest Hal8 convenience market!

HENRY: We are back with the loathsome Grover Stinkinbishop and I am about to declare my conviction.  Treason or not treason?  I declare this to be treason!

Again a roar of applause rises from the audience, and Ned Sackbutt leads his band again into “Condemned for Treason.”

WILL: Grover Stinkinbishop, thank you for playing Treason or Not Treason!  You’ve won a one-way trip to exciting Tyburn and an appearance in the mass executions of Tyburn Tuesdays!

Attention turns to the third prisoner.

HENRY: Thomas, what about your third prisoner here?

THOMAS: As you wish, Your Majesty.  This is Rhys Wynwyn, the Welsh wit who coined the phrase “a win-win situation.”  But things have soured for Rhys.  He is reported to have said, and I quote, “King Henry is an overblown goofball.”

The crowd swarms into a sea of angry voices, but Henry only laughs, and gestures to the audience to take their seats.

HENRY: Methinks you will all be most surprised at my decision.  This man obviously understood that his statement was ludicrous, for what fault can any man find in me?  I answer only to God.  He could not have believed that anyone would think him serious.  Twas but a jest, everyone.  I know it.  And therefore I declare that Rhys Wynwyn is not guilty of treason against me.

The band launches into “Henry the Eighth” yet again as Thomas frees the prisoner.  Henry takes center stage again.

HENRY: Well, that’s our show for tonight.  We’ll be back right here tomorrow night, when I’ll be interviewing the minds behind Misrule Instant Frumenty.  I’ll also be playing my newest song, a ballad to my unknown Wife #4.  My gratitude for the loyal subjects that help me put this show together night after night—Will Somers, Ned Sackbutt, Thomas Timely, and the Poxy Seven!  Have a wonderful night, and remember how luck you are to live in the England of Henry the Eighth!