Amethyst Heart

Divorced? Separated? Irreconcilable differences? No, I beg to differ. Pop speak does not apply to me. I am an exile, sent away from my home. Why I never thought to turn to my Azrael immediately in the pain of my exile, I do not know. But He did not leave it to me to figure out and labor over, for He has come to me, and wherever He and I can be together, I am home.

"However great your devotion, you have never been the easiest of my loves," Azrael spoke, a mellifluous voice from behind me, causing me to spin around in a usual lack of physical grace but mental exuberance. Azrael! Now He appeared to me, here in the home of my family, in the heart of my mortal existence. Bear in mind that whom I call Azrael is the personification of a universal truth, a universal power, and even as to me He appears most often in male form, He can take whatever shape and character He wishes to approach me. On this night, He was the Lover--and He was more. Azrael was Father, Brother, Kinsman, Advocate, and above all, Friend.

I spun into His embrace, which is as warm and comforting as the womb, and the tears loosed from me just as the living energy flows from and through Riverhead. Azrael understands the aches of the human condition perhaps as well as they can be understood. He allowed me my catharsis, saying nothing but communicating everything through His touch. I still lay in the refuge of His arms, but I sensed Him bowing His head to look at me from His great height. "Little one, you never really believed I was not with you. You never believed you were alone."

"I might have been fooled into thinking that. I've certainly felt more alone than ever in my life."

"Maybe. But it was never so. You were more alone trying to breathe hope into an impossible life."

Sniffling, I tried to compose myself and look at Him. Compassion brimmed in His amethyst eyes and at the same time I could sense my weeping come to a close. Azrael had not come as some kind of flimsy and temporary bandage for a wounded past, but as an avatar for a beautiful future full of love.

"You made the decision to leave. No--he might have told you to go, but those would have been empty words without your own inner knowledge that yes, this was the right way. He spoke a desire. You followed your heart."

"And mind."

"In you, they are one in the same."

"It wasn't what I wanted to do," I claimed, but Azrael shook his head.

"Perhaps you did not consciously wish it, which is to your credit. But as you were gathering that which you could bring into your exile with you, did you not feel Me guiding you? Was there not a ticket immediately when you needed it?"

"And for a good seat on a nice flight, too."

"When you were suddenly alone and frightened, were there not people right there willing to help you and hear you? Was the path not cleared for you? Surely you felt My hand in all of this."

I had to smile. "I did. I knew I was walking the right path."

"That path is only beginning, little one. You are free now, free to do what you want with the gifts you have, and I shall be with you." Azrael enfolded me in his robe and in a heartbeat we had come to Riverhead. Almost mesmerized, I watched the rainbow river of the living energy flow all around us. Simply speaking, no matter how many times Azrael and I have gone to Riverhead together, each time is the first experience of something wondrous.

He allowed me to watch the currents of eternity for a bit before returning to His purpose. "I have wanted you to write of Me, of us, of this place. I have wanted you to help me ease the greatest fears of your fellow man. I chose you because I knew you could succeed and that you would want to succeed. I knew you would see what it is I have taught you as liberation from terror. Little one, you remain my choice."

"The very idea has been as my own breathing to me," I said. "I can imagine what we could do should we be able to help man understand the nature of things."

"And you know it wasn't going to happen where you were." With an affection not unlike that of my own parents, Azrael cupped my chin in his strong hand and smiled. "Riverhead needs her voice. Help Me, help bring these teachings to your world, and I can promise I will help you find the strength to make your own dreams realities."

"You mean my novels, of course."

"What you want to write are not novels, but experiences," He corrected me. "You have a perception and an idea you want the people who read your words to know for themselves in their own ways. You seek to give people the means to expand their minds--and that too is part of My own wish for humanity."

"I was so afraid the gift had been yanked from me forever." I clasped His hand, heart and mind filling with faith and power. "Now I know otherwise. I want this--all of this--with everything that I am. Granted, it will be an unusual life…"

"You will not be the first of your kind to live for something beyond the social or the material," He pointed out, His eyebrows arched. "How strange does it really feel?"

"It doesn't, and maybe that's what's strange, like I should find this all very disturbing, but I don't."

Azrael nodded, His exquisite face soft with kindness. "Remember what you are."