Medieval Pick Up Lines

"Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"

"Been there, slain that."

"Your hovel or mine?"

"Pestilence makes the heart go wander."

"Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my longsword in action?"

"Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that my sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I crave the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@..$% ???"

"You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail?"

"I like the cut of your jib."

"If I were that horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle."

Wizard: "You know, my hat isn't the only thing that's pointed."

"Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire?"

"Dost thou practice safe hex?"

"Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor."

"I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden."

"So, would you like to see my breaststroke?"

Wench: "What's that sound?"
Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."

"Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"

"Why don't we go back to my place and re-enact 'The Miller's Tale?'"

"You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you. The fate of England depends is on it!!"

"Ever see a passion play? Would you like to?"

"Don't believe the rumors you heard about me. The plague didn't affect the important parts."

"Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours."

"How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ran over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms."

"C'mon, sweetie. Didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away."

"I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on!"

"Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard."

"Shall I make your clothes disappear?"

"I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch."

"Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?"

"My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it."